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Headline News - November 2005
Fountain of Youth on New Luna? Posted By: Wik'ikik Article: NOV05-1 Reported To: INN Reported On: New Luna Reported At: Wed Nov 16 18:01:09 3005 GREENVILLE, NEW LUNA - A three year study has concluded that living on New Luna might actually be good for your health. The study, completed by scientists from the Greenville branch of the University of Plato, concluded that rats born within New Luna's atmosphere and spending their life there lived approximately seventeen percent longer than those living on Luna, Quaquan, or Antimone. Factors such as climate, temperature, and habitat only produced differences in the low single digits. Several New Luna residents expressed worry at the results. "I've lived through dimensional rifts and the Moebius effect, I can do without any planetary voodoo nonsense," said Rebecca Green, of Addilent City. "And the scientists can't even tell us why it's doing this! Who's to say this isn't some Kamir plot or something?"Others were more positive. "I've always known the sea air does you good," says Freedom City resident Hildar Gess. "Living beings just ain't meant to live in dusty caves." Deranged Mystic attacks landing bay Posted By: Brody Article: NOV05-2 Reported To: UIS Reported On: Ungstir Reported At: Fri Nov 18 11:22:31 3005 RESILIENCE, UNGSTIR - Early Monday morning a crazed Mystic armed with a pulse assault rifle and psionic attacks laid down countless rounds of fire throughout the Resilience Landing Pad. Two kommissars and one fuel loader were killed before the combined fire of officers managed to take him down.The Mystic arrived in a gaudily-decorated and unregistered Calliope class vessel and proceeded to take wild shots at his surroundings from the top of its boarding ramp. Fuel loader Konstantin Scherbo perished in the initial onslaught. Nearby Kommissars responded quickly, setting up riot barricades to protect themselves and fleeing bystanders. In addition to rifle blasts, the Mystic launched two deadly psionic attacks against the defenders, but their surviving comrades bravely fought on. The Mystic drove officers back with a spray of random bullets as he descended the ramp. Some witnesses report that his eyes seemed to glow. At this point, Veteran Kommissar Janika Koudrevitch struck the assailant in the shoulder with a pulse pistol round. According to his comrades, freshly-enrolled Kommissar Ivan Khotek was then forced to make a difficult decision as the Mystic prepared to take a more dangerous prone firing position. Even as he suffered a near-miss within inches of his head, Kommissar Khotek performed admirably, taking out the shooter with a clean shot between the eyes.Other witnesses reported seeing another ship being loaded with cargo that morning, protected by a large troop of heavily-armed militia. The Militia firmly rejected these reports, suggesting them to be the product of stress-charged imaginations.Fallen Kommissars Emil Loskutov and Aliko Szolkowski will be honored in a ceremony this Saturday, while the Scherbo family will be conducting theirs in seclusion.-- Mirovan Taranenko, UIS New Luna: No Fountain Here Posted By: Wik'ikik Article: NOV05-3 Reported To: INN Reported On: New Luna Reported At: Sat Nov 26 09:06:09 3005 GREENVILLE, NEW LUNA - Councilman James Reed has never seen so many treasure hunters in his life. "Maybe eight times a day, someone asks me if I know where the Fountain of Youth is, they'll pay me for the information, they'll cut me in on the profits later, blah blah blah. It's getting to the point that I can't do my job." His message to treasureseekers? "Get a job." Other Council members were more strict, especially the 87 year old Gary Carter. "If the militia catches anyone searching for that goldarn Fountain, they have been instructed to bring them in for a hefty, hefty fine. Maybe some jail time, I haven't decided. Our fishermen have it bad as it is without goldarn hippies speeding around, looking for pots of gold at the end of the rainbow." Transsexual killed in traffic accident Posted By: Brody Article: NOV05-4 Reported To: SBS Reported On: Sivad Reported At: Tue Nov 29 11:00:14 3005 ENAJ, SIVAD - A broken high heel led to the death of a transsexual prostitute on Montevedo Street North in Grand Enaj early this morning.Crin Rozzey, known on the street just as "Roz," was walking toward the kerb when one of his red high heels broke and sent him toppling into the path of an oncoming black hovercab.Rozzey was pronounced dead on the scene by emergency workers. The cabby has been suspended with pay pending a complete investigation of the accident. Xuan-wu advocate dead in cargo mishap Posted By: Brody Article: NOV05-5 Reported To: INN Reported On: Ungstir Reported At: Tue Nov 29 11:09:26 3005 RESILIENCE, UNGSTIR - Sheng Jia, daughter of Sheng Li - whose supposed vision led to his family's mission to build a temple to the ancient Chinese god Xuan-wu, died today when a stack of cargo crates fell onto her.The crates, loaded with incense destined for shipment to the under-construction temple on La Terre, apparently fell after a faulty containment purple paisley containment strap snapped."Da, we feel terrible about what happened," said Expedite Cargo's president, Olaf Stavrov, "and we are removing from use any and all similar cargo straps. We bought them last year from a young Demarian fellow. Very pushy. It seemed a small enough expense to get him out of my office so I would no longer have to listen to his talk of bathing in the blood of his lessers." Merc killed in knife fight Posted By: Brody Article: NOV05-6 Reported To: INN Reported On: Ungstir Reported At: Tue Nov 29 11:17:16 3005 RESILIENCE, UNGSTIR - John Rasmus, a former boxer turned mercenary, died last night in a knife fight outside the Rockhopper's Tavern.Local authorities took into custody a dock worker named Peytr Davonovich and charged him with second-degree murder. Davonovich is expected to face the Ungstir Citizen's Committee in about 30 days for final resolution of the case.According to investigators, Davonovich and Rasmus came to blows over a woman they'd met in the tavern. RNS soldier killed in riot Posted By: Brody Article: NOV05-7 Reported To: INN Reported On: Waldheim Reported At: Tue Nov 29 11:26:27 3005 NEW BERLIN, WALDHEIM - Fourth Lieutenant Thomas Cooper became the latest Royal Naval Service casualty today when a group calling itself the Waldheim Protectionists rioted briefly outside the city's aerospace center.Cooper, part of a detachment assigned to keep the peace on Waldheim in the wake of the Thul Resequencing Virus crisis and the ensuing atrocities in which thousands of Waldheimers afflicted with the virus supposedly died, was shot by one of the rioters while trying to control the situation with six other RNS soldiers.The shooter, a young man named Liam Stahl, was disarmed and taken into custody by the other soldiers.The Waldheim Protectionists, who slowly gain support in New Berlin, seek to remove all foreign influences from their soil. Vollistan murdered on Mars Posted By: Brody Article: NOV05-8 Reported To: INN Reported On: Mars Reported At: Tue Nov 29 11:34:08 3005 HESPERIA, MARS - A Vollistan Light Singer was found beaten, strangled and - ultimately - lynched from a fire escape in an alley in the Martian city of Hesperia today.The Vollistan, identified as Volzanga, had a placard dangling around his neck that read: "KEEP MARS PURE." The words, scrawled in the Light Singer's own blood, chillingly recall the name of the xenophobic movement that set off plasma bombs on Earth in the year 3000.Darian Ellesmere, First Consul of Mars, hesitated to dub the crime as race-related. "At first blush, certainly, one could jump to such a conclusion," Ellesmere said. "But I'll let the Hesperia Police Department complete its investigation before I roll out that particular bandwagon." Datajacks recalled in wake of death Posted By: Brody Article: NOV05-9 Reported To: INN Reported On: Waldheim Reported At: Tue Nov 29 11:42:39 3005 NEW BERLIN, WALDHEIM - Thousands of Sivtek D60 datajacks are being recalled by the manufacturer after the death of a Lunite user.Brandon Druke died two days ago after he was admitted to a hospital in New Berlin with symptoms suggesting a neurological disorder, but which turned out to be directly linked to synaptic misfires caused by the datajack node affixed to his forehead.It's the first such mishap of its kind reported about a Sivtek datajack. Neurojacks, considered riskier and more invasive, are more prone to this sort of recall, officials say. Centauran killed in shuttle lavatory Posted By: Brody Article: NOV05-10 Reported To: INN Reported On: Quaquan Reported At: Tue Nov 29 12:07:35 3005 FOUR CORNERS, QUAQUAN - A curious Centauran, known as Porrnrct, died on a Luna-Quaquan interstellar shuttle flight yesterday.The researcher was trying to follow a human female passenger into the lavatory when the door's automatic security kicked in and whooshed shut, shattering the Centauran into thousands of shards.The passenger in the lavatory and two nearby flight attendants in the corridor outside sustained cuts and bruises from the debris. Castori photographer dies in sleep Posted By: Brody Article: NOV05-11 Reported To: INN Reported On: Castor Reported At: Tue Nov 29 12:16:59 3005 URSINIRU, CASTOR - Seldriken Dravinrum, a noted Castori photographer, failed to awaken from his annual hibernatory period this year.Doctors pronounced him dead after determining a marked absence of brainwave activity, although his circulatory and respiratory systems appeared to function normally.An autopsy will be performed by doctors to try to figure out why this happened. Second death linked to faulty datajack Posted By: Brody Article: NOV05-12 Reported To: INN Reported On: Waldheim Reported At: Tue Nov 29 16:49:33 3005 NEW BERLIN, WALDHEIM - A Timonae named Caldiv is the second confirmed victim of a malfunctioning Sivtek D60 datajack.Doctors in New Berlin today confirmed that the Timonae, who died two days ago, suffered the same symptoms as Brandon Druke.Sivtek has recalled thousands of D60 datajacks in the wake of this news. Sivtek stocks suffer after recall Posted By: Brody Article: NOV05-13 Reported To: SBS Reported On: Sivad Reported At: Tue Nov 29 16:53:04 3005 ENAJ, SIVAD - Sivtek, the company that created the recalled D60 datajack responsible for at least two deaths on Waldheim, saw its stock values hammered by 10 percent in late trading on the Royal Exchange."It's never good news when you've got a recall," said Sivtek spokeswoman Janice Blaine. "But we're a solid company and we're confident that we can rebound from this setback." Noted Sivadian psychologist dies Posted By: Brody Article: NOV05-14 Reported To: SBS Reported On: Sivad Reported At: Tue Nov 29 17:01:12 3005 ENAJ, SIVAD - Rupert J. Ellison, a famed psychologist, died of a heart attack during a session with a patient.Ellison, who authored such memorable papers as "What's the Word for Goodbye? The Language and Customs of Death and Bereavement in Human and Non-Human Cultures," "There's Something Green on My Couch (A Retrospective)" and "Xenophobia: A Study," had recently retired from his professorial post at the University of Enaj but maintained a private practice.The patient, whose name is withheld to protect his identity, had apparently just broken the news that Ellison's Sivtek stock investment had just taken a 10 percent hit due to the D60 datajack recall. Noble Demarian drinks self to death Posted By: Brody Article: NOV05-15 Reported To: INN Reported On: Demaria Reported At: Tue Nov 29 17:32:15 3005 NEW ALHIRA, DEMARIA - Feymask Sandwalker, a Demarian noble without much to live for after the fall of Gleaming Star and the death of his grandfather, Stumppaw Sandwalker, apparently drank himself to death on his homeworld.He was found dead in an alley behind Glimmercoat's Cafe in New Alhira, surrounded by a clutter of empty bottles and wrapped in a tattered cloak."It's a sad day, indeed," said Tuftcheek Longvision, who has emerged in recent weeks as the leader of a new representative Senate in the wake of the Advanced Thul Resequencing Virus crisis. "Not just because Demarians are rare enough as it is, but because I am fast running out of those who remember the world as *I* knew it in the 27th Century. It saddens me that, like so many other temporally displaced Demarians, he never quite found his way in this changed world." Datajack kills third victim Posted By: Brody Article: NOV05-16 Reported To: INN Reported On: Waldheim Reported At: Tue Nov 29 17:47:48 3005 NEW BERLIN, WALDHEIM - A young pilot named Jac Herman is the third confirmed victim of the faulty Sivtek D60 datajack.Herman collapsed in Sylvester's Bar three days ago and lingered in a coma until doctors determined he was brain dead. Today, doctors matched autopsy results with those of two other men on Waldheim whose deaths were linked to the datajacks and found them all too similar.Although Sivtek already has initiated a broad-reaching recall of the datajacks, officials are expressing some concern about the fact that the only deaths seem to be occurring on Waldheim.Local police are starting an investigation to try to determine whether any product tampering might be involved. Grimlahdi naval commander killed in gear accident Posted By: Brody Article: NOV05-17 Reported To: INN Reported On: Grimlahd Reported At: Tue Nov 29 18:18:33 3005 AKRIL, GRIMLAHD - Krigrath of Clan Gragock, second in command of the Grimlahd naval vessel Grenshi, died during an emergency landing gear deployment test on the military spacepad.Gragock had been in the process of examining the gear housing panel in advance of the planned test when a young engineer named Brunk of Clan Ogrok accidentally hit the deploy button too soon.Although the emergency landing gear surely crushed the commander beyond salvation, it is believed that the killing blow actually came from the housing panel as it was shoved at him. Former warden dies in traffic accident Posted By: Brody Article: NOV05-18 Reported To: INN Reported On: Tomin Kora Reported At: Tue Nov 29 18:29:16 3005 SHADOWHEART, TOMIN KORA - The streets of Tomin Kora are known to be all too dangerous. But the former warden of the Barrens Bay prison asteroid probably wasn't expecting *this*.Bob Abbott, who ran the double-maximum security prison until a Nall incursion, was killed while weaving his way across the debris-strewn ruins of the Aurora Strand. Dressed in a black body suit, with black leather armor, black boots and black mirror sunglasses in the darkened street, the hovercar driver zooming through the obstacle course didn't see him until too late, if he saw Abbott at all.The former warden was hurled sixty feet by the impact. He was stripped of his valuable boots, body suit, and armor before the driver even got to the body."All that was left was the sunglasses," said Lawrence Putnam, former spokesman for Boss Cabrerra, who drove the hovercar in question. "And they were broken. Damn it." Another death blamed on bad datajack Posted By: Brody Article: NOV05-19 Reported To: INN Reported On: Ungstir Reported At: Tue Nov 29 21:40:37 3005 RESILIENCE, UNGSTIR - Eric Moritz, a young Lunite hacker transplanted recently to Ungstir, collapsed while surfing the infomatrix at the Coffee Man House and Cafe on Ungstir. He died a few hours later in the health clinic after suffering brain death.Doctors consulted with their counterparts on Waldheim and determined that the Sivtek D60 datajack affixed to Moritz's forehead malfunctioned, leading to his demise.The death on Ungstir puts in doubt the theory that the deaths on Waldheim that sparked a recall of the datajack were a result of local product tampering. However, it has raised the possibility of an interstellar terrorist conspiracy. Ungstri and Waldheimer investigators are now forming an investigative task force, in tandem with engineers from Sivtek on Sivad. Infomatrix node proves common link in datajack deaths Posted By: Brody Article: NOV05-20 Reported To: INN Reported On: Waldheim Reported At: Wed Nov 30 14:40:21 3005 NEW BERLIN, WALDHEIM - Perhaps it wasn't just the datajacks.Investigators looking into the deaths of several people who wore the now-recalled Sivtek D60 datajacks have found that the victims all visited the same infomatrix node within 24 hours of their demise. The node, called "Madame Angie's Fetish Room," is an adults-only holosex site."We have captured several hours of signal transmission from this node and now will study it for any irregularities," said Klaus Grauphoff of the New Berlin Police Department.It remains to be seen whether the maligned datajacks or malignant code caused these high-profile deaths. Luna: No Fountain Here Either Posted By: Danish Article: NOV05-21 Reported To: INN Reported On: Luna Reported At: Wed Nov 30 17:00:50 3005 LOVELL CITY, LUNA - Following rumors of a Fountain of Youth on New Luna and the subsequent swarms of Treasure Seekers there, Earth's barren satellite has also seen an influx of tourists. "I figure everyone's searching New Luna, but I'd go right to the source," said Terrence Radcliffe, who after reading the news on Sol Station hopped the first shuttle to the planetoid.Lunite natives have been less than receptive to their new guests who have a habit of disturbing private property and crowding public lavatories. "I found some foreigner messing around in the basement and tapping into the pipes. Told me he was searching for some 'Fountain of Youth'. I can't believe some idiots can't figure the difference 'tween us and another place halfway across t'Arm!" the proprietor of Aldrin's Bar in Lovell told INN.Another Lunite, who didn't wish to be named, in the establishment found this highly amusing. "What with the fleeters 'round, ain't no one livin' past their right age. Luna's closer to a Graveyard than sum' rotten cure-everythin'." Category:News